New Baby? How to Nurture Your Relationship with Your Older Child

Second-time parent? (Or third, fourth, or fifth?) Bringing home a new baby can come with an extra layer of complexity when you’re also caring for an older child who’s adjusting to a whole new world. If you’re wondering how to support your older child without stretching yourself too thin, you’re not alone. Here are a few tips to nurture both your growing family and your connection with you older kiddo(s).

Hold on to routine.

Children thrive on predictability and repetition, and change can feel overwhelming. While a new baby changes almost everything about your family’s routine, try to identify one or two things you can hold onto. Does your older child enjoy stories before bed or songs at bath time? Find out what’s most important to them, and make it a priority. These small things will be foundational to nurturing your relationship through any change.

Create new family rituals.

For the things that do have to change, what can you do to make them feel more special? How can you help your older child feel included? Think about new family traditions you’d like to incorporate- even something simple like silly stories during car rides can make the ordinary feel magical.

Welcome regressive behavior.

It’s not uncommon for older children to temporarily exhibit immature behaviors, as if they’re moving backwards developmentally. They see the attention the new baby is receiving and do things to mimic their behavior. When this happens, it’s important not to shame or punish your older child. Instead, know that they are likely adjusting to some big changes- their regressive behaviors should subside as they begin to feel more settled.

All feelings are okay.

Older children might feel jealous, frustrated, or confused by the sudden changes in your relationship and routine. Lead them in identifying their emotions using age-appropriate language, then validate those feelings. Help them understand that their negative feelings aren’t directed toward the younger sibling- rather, they feel upset about the big changes happening so quickly.