How Partners Can Support a Nursing Parent
You’re not the one feeding the baby with your body… but how can you help? Breast/chestfeeding can be physically demanding and emotionally intense, and having a supportive partner can make all of the difference! Whether you’re preparing for a new baby or already in the thick of feeding, here are a few concrete ways you can show up as a partner:
Create a breastfeeding plan with your partner.
It’s important to have a game plan from the start. Set aside time to reflect on the following questions together:
What are your intentions for nursing?
How long do you hope to nurse?
What are your thoughts on alternative feeding methods (supplementation, SNS, finger feeding, etc)? On infant formula? On donor milk?
If the nursing partner will be returning to work, how will this impact lactation?
What are the lactation resources in your community?
Understand the basics of nursing before your baby arrives.
If you have never nursed and/or supported a nursing partner, attend a prenatal breastfeeding class or explore educational resources. I recommend reading Feed the Baby: An Inclusive Guide to Nursing, Bottle-feeding, and Everything In Between, by Victoria Facelli (2023), or checking out BreastmilkCounts.com.
Create & maintain a dedicated nursing area (or two).
Partners can take on the task of making sure this area is always ready for a feed. Keep snacks stocked, make sure water is available, replenish pads and nipple ointment, and add pillows or other comfort items.
Enforce the nursing parent’s boundaries.
Check in with your partner’s needs (as well as your own!) regarding visitors and privacy. Would the nursing parent like privacy when feeding the baby? If so, it’s your job to gently ask visitors to step away during feeds. Would the nursing parent prefer that your aunt doesn’t come to visit? It’s your job to communicate this to Auntie. Would you both prefer no one stops by until they’re invited? You can write a note to put on the front door.
Prepare nourishing meals for the nursing parent.
Breastfeeding can be demanding- requiring an extra 350-400 calories each day! The nursing parent will likely be hungry often. While they are busy producing milk, you can prepare food for both of you- try cooking in bulk or meal prepping so your next meal is ready to go.
Ensure the nursing parent is snacking as needed and hydrating often.
Keep snacks stocked in an easy-to-reach area, and offer to make quick bites (PB & J’s are a quick, one-handed, high protein snack). Every hour or so, snatch their water bottle to refill it.
Learn your baby’s hunger cues.
Become familiar with your baby’s early hunger signs, so you can bring them to the nursing parent at the first sign of hunger. This might look like your baby opening and closing their mouth, smacking their lips, turning their head, or bringing their hands to their mouth. It’s easier to latch a calm baby than one who is frustrated!
Wash pump parts and handle milk storage.
You can take charge of washing pump parts after every pumping session, returning clean parts to the nursing area, and labeling & organizing expressed milk. Think of this as your way of helping with future feeds- Future You will be thankful for your beautifully organized freezer stash.
Know where to find support.
Who can you call for help with common challenges, like mastitis or latch issues? It’s best to find support before you need it. Create a list of two or three resources, such as lactation consultants or breastfeeding groups. If the need arises, you can be the one to schedule an appointment or call for information- so the nursing parent can focus on resting, rather than searching for help.
Check in often.
Needs change and feelings shift, so communication is essential throughout lactation. Periodically revisit your breastfeeding plan from Step 1. How is the nursing parent feeling about feeding? Do they wish to continue, or is it time to explore other options? What adjustments need to be made? It’s important to honor the nursing parent’s choices regarding how and whether they use their body to nourish another human being- and it’s also important to express your own needs, concerns, and hopes for your lactation journey as a family.